AXIS MUNDI. STRIPPER BRAIN. POISON.

or A Bunch of Random Sh*t (lol).

Pictured: Tigresses. A symbol associated with the Hindu Nakshatra, Vishaka. Credits to Tim Lehi.

i want my entire life to be a money making magnet. where i don't have to choose one place or one flow over another to generate currency. if im supposed to rest my body in order to center the creative process one week or another week release a bunch of energy using my body. because i think its such a thin line between being the hoe and being the pimp. i would say there's no line at all. it's a spectrum. and you're subject to being hoed, thus pimping yourself, whenever you place yourself in the position where one lifestyle or way of being completely dominates other facets of your life. when the mystical transcendent part of you dominates the primal animalistic part of you. or vice versa. or in my case that inspired this writing. the stripper part of you dominates all other facets. like the fashion designer. the writer. the analyzer. the relaxer (lol). the doing nothing-er. being a stripper IS a part of me. such a crucial part of me that's catalyzed me in every way. mentally. physically. spiritually. i've never been so aware of myself in life. the darkest parts of myself. the most endearing parts. i haven't been able to hide from either since i've began this practice. i don't even want to call it work anymore. i want it to be a practice. just an aspect of the ritual. not something i center to provide me with EVERYTHING. not something that influences me. i only want to practice this when im inspired. i have to admit transcending the money aspect is such a task. but during these last 2 weeks of my hiatus from the club, i realized a fucking lot by interrupting my routine. i'm actively choosing to create a new routine that honors every facet of me. i haven't quite figured out the the role of 'exotic dancing' in my life in a condensed version but i think it's something that my spirits simply enjoy. where we thrive. but it wasn't meant to be the ONLY place that i enjoyed or thrived. it was supposed to be a mirror. a template that i translate to other areas of my life. i love the strip club. but now im creating a life where it isn't my center. it doesn't dictate the quality of my life or rob me of truly living life to the fullest. without worrying bout the "next bag" or the next $10k to run up or what property to buy. even when money isn't centered....just worrying about the next day. should i go to work this day. should i not. just that simple internal question takes up too much space in my energy. i think these last couple of weeks revealed that on a very subtle level i was being siphoned. did i transform and alchemize and all of the things while simultaneously engaging with this money entity? sure. but i live by this quote that says "a little bit of poison cures, a lot kills." i fed this money entity in doses. just enough to lead me to this point of interrupting it. interruption through awareness. it'll be alchemized in its own time. with resistance and surrender occurring simultaneously. this is the grey area after all. where nothing truly makes sense. where all answers lead to more questions. and i've come to the realization that i don't need to seek answers. i don't need to force or pry realizations into my life or others. answers will find me. and then more questions will be posed. it's a cycle. a cycle that i'm choosing to honor. one that forces me to release control. resist and surrender at the same damn time. i don't want my creations to be riddled with this subtle power play imposed upon myself. i don't want that imposed on my creations. these last 2 weeks have been a purging. shadows on the stage. spotlight. i had a dream where i was doing a move on the pole that im afraid of doing in real life lol. in the dream my mind resisted. it almost made me grab the pole out of fear. but my body let go. and i just let the pole take me away. the pole is my Axis Mundi. transcending everything. time. space. my vision. it looked kinda like it looks on a merry go round. that gold metallic essence to the air. this dream was alchemical as hell. being shown that the BODY is in full surrender. when that occurs the mind has no other choice but to surrender as well even though the thought forms exhibit resistance. it IS resistance but it's also surrender. complex shit. crazy how dreams communicate the body so fluently. sacral intelligence i tell you. i was on my period too actually lol. that dream quite literally told me what was about to occur for me psychologically. what was about to be made aware. i love these periods where i honor the fact that i want to do nothing. because i always go through some potent ass shit. some shit that sheds another layer of me, revealing another foreign yet familiar layer. it's fun. it isn't always fun in certain stages. but it's a dance. one that truly forced me to confront this entity face to face. it's not as scary anymore. im gonna practice and observe what occurs the more i build safety and security through creative diversity. mmm. i think thats why certain endeavors that i said i wanted to do are easily coming into place now....during these 2 weeks. i've been attracting it a lot through men who have an expertise in what im executing. and of course this specific entity mentioned throughout this post IS masculine in nature. if i keep pondering, im gonna keep typing so...bye :)